CASE:eNewsletter

E-Newsletter - July 2008

In this issue

Buddy Up! Being a Mentor to a Younger ChildCan Bring Joy, Pride and Confidence to Your Teen

University of Maryland & C.A.S.E. Launch National Transracial Adoption Study

C.A.S.E. Board President Arva Jackson Named
2008 Linowes Leadership Award Winner

Buddy Up! Being a Mentor to a Younger Child Can Bring Joy, Pride and Confidence to Your Teen
by Debbie Riley, MS

Many of us were lucky enough to have had a special person in our youth who influenced us in significant ways - whether it was a teacher, coach, clergy member, best friend's parent - or even a wise older teen that lived next door.

Those people served as mentors and had an impact on who we later became and the directions we chose for our lives.

Today, a growing number of adoption agencies, support groups and counseling services are incorporating mentoring programs into their range of services. These mentors are adult and teen adoptees who have confronted firsthand the questions, feelings and experiences that their younger "mentees" now face. (For children and teens who were adopted internationally, it is helpful - and healing - to have a mentor of the same race or culture.)

Though adoptive parents are encouraged to communicate with their children about adoption, many adopted teens are reluctant to share their innermost feelings, for fear of hurting their families. Some teens may not have the words to describe how they feel. A mentor often understands in a way that parents cannot, making a mentor a more likely confidante. What's more, as teens communicate with mentors and have their feelings validated, they often find it becomes easier to talk with their parents.

Teen Role Models

In some cases, adopted teens are mentors, themselves. At The Center for Adoption Support and Education's annual Kids Adoption Network Conference and Carnival (each November), teens assist in childrens workshops and sometimes share their adoption stories in group discussions. “It's awesome to talk to the younger kids,” says Carol, a longtime conference participant. “I feel so much compassion for them. It's nice to know that, while I still have my own fears and doubts, I can help other adopted kids feel proud about themselves.”

All mentors benefit from their ability to give of themselves. The joy of helping someone and experiencing a caring bond is essential to achieving personal growth and fulfillment.

Raising a Young Mentor

If your teen enjoys interacting with children and is interested in mentoring, here are some ways to help him or her get started:

Contact a local adoption agency, adoptive parent support group or adoptee support group. Learn about their activities and find out about volunteer opportunities. For example, your teen might provide child care during an adult activity or parent workshop.
Find an adoption workshop or conference for kids/teens in your area and sign up! It's a great way to meet other adopted teens and kids, come in contact with adult mentors and learn first-hand how to work with younger children.

University of Maryland & C.A.S.E. Launch National Transracial Adoption Study

Project will examine the impact of family characteristics on adjustment, self-esteem and racial identity of minority youth adopted by white parents.

Who can participate?
If the parent or parents in your family are white and there is a least one racial minority teen (ages 14-18), you may qualify.

What will I be asked to do?
Both parent and child will be asked to complete an on-line survey that will take approximately 20 minutes to complete. Teens who complete the survey will receive a $10 iTunes gift card .

How do I find out more about the study?

Yes! I want to find out more about the study and to see if I qualify!

If you would like to know more about the study or are interested in participating, contact:

Dr. Leigh Leslie
Department of Family Science
The University of Maryland, College Park
301-405-4011

Or e-mail her at lleslie@umd.edu

C.A.S.E. Board President Arva Jackson Named
2008 Linowes Leadership Award Winner

Since 1997, Linowes Leadership Awards have recognized "unsung heroes" who exercise their community leadership in a variety of roles and across multiple sectors. Recipients are extraordinary people with compelling stories of courage and commitment.

Arva Jackson has served as a passionate advocate and activist, particularly on issues related to civil rights, children and health, all of her adult life. While Ms. Jackson retired in 1996 from the National Oceanic Atmospheric Administration, where she served as the agency's first director of its Office of Civil Rights, in truth, she has never truly retired.

She has been a persistent and persuasive presence in Montgomery County as a full-time volunteer, facing head-on some of the most difficult challenges facing many of the county's most vulnerable residents. Her dedication to issues such as infant mortality, caring for the uninsured, and culturally sensitive outreach services has earned her widespread admiration in Montgomery County and beyond.

Congratulations, Arva! We are proud of you.

Dear Ellen

Recently, a friend told me about a movie she saw. She said she thought I might like it because it has an adoption-related theme. My teenager and I go to the movies often. But I'm wondering: Should I suggest that she see the film with me? Will seeing it together cause her to feel awkward?

Keeping the lines of communication open with teens is no easy parenting task. Especially with adopted teens, discussions around adoption-related themes and issues may provide challenges similar to talking with teens about sex and other sensitive matters. It is natural for teens to develop a sense of ownership and even privacy around their thoughts and feelings, including those related to adoption. Some teens may continue to make it relatively easy for their parents to discern what's on their minds – either by asking questions or sharing thoughts/feelings. However, parents of teens who are less forthcoming may need to find creative ways to start a dialogue about adoption.

Inviting your teen to be a ‘critic” of a movie with an adoption-related theme has the potential to encourage your teen to open up. Most teens love movies and many teens are willing and interested in viewing films with their families – either in the theater or at home. If they do not want to view the film with you, you can still suggest a movie, allow them to watch it on his/her own and then agree to share your “reviews.”

Regardless of your approach, it is recommended that you see the movie first before suggesting it to your teen to make sure you are comfortable exposing your teen to the film. You know your teen's temperament and personality. You must decide if your teen can handle the material presented and anticipate your teen's reaction to the messages you believe the movie conveys. It is also important to note that if you are selecting/suggesting the film, it is better to be up front and honest with your teen that the movie has an adoption theme. Having the teen realize this on his or her own can result in anger and sabotage the goal of opening communication. It is better to engage your teen's curiosity with comments such as, “ I saw this movie with Dad some years ago and now that you're old enough, I thought you might find this story interesting…it was wonderful… it was powerful…I'd love to know what you think about it… As an adoptive parent, some of it rang true, some didn't, and I wonder how you would see it.” If you think your teen needs more encouragement, you might say, “Janey's son (an adoptee) told his mother to see this movie. I loved it, thought you would, too.”

Equally important is to tell your teen as much as possible what the movie is about so that they can decide for themselves if they wish to view it. Parents must respect a teen's decision to protect themselves if they feel that viewing the film will bring to the surface feelings they do not wish brought up. Teens must also be given permission to stop watching the movie at any time, including leaving a movie theater, if they feel uncomfortable. Putting this out on the table can help to prevent a situation where the teen feels pressured by the parent and again, shuts down, which is completely the opposite of the goal. Parents need to always bear in mind that using movies to open up dialogue is only useful if the teen buys into the activity freely and feels respected.

MOVIE SUGGESTIONS

Then She Found Me (2008) - The story of a 39 year old adopted woman who wants to be a mother and what happens in reunion with her birth mother who initiates the contact.

Juno (2007) - tells the story of a pregnant teen, her relationship with the birth father, and the adoptive couple with whom she chooses to place her baby.

Meet the Robinsons 2007 - Animated cartoon about a 12 year old inventive boy who has not yet been adopted and his desire to return to the past to meet his birthmother.

Loggerheads 2005 - The story depicts all members of the adoption circle – a birthmother trying to locate her adult son, adoptive parents dealing with their inability to accept their adopted son's homosexuality, and the adoptee's life in the year or so before his death.

Antwone Fisher 2002 - based on a true story of a man who grew up in foster care who eventually is reunited with his birth family.

Fakin' Da Funk 2000 - A story about a black couple who adopts an Asian baby, moves to Los Angeles and the boy's experiences in his black community.

Catfish in Black Bean Sauce 1999 - A story about a Black couple who adopts two Vietnamese children and their reunion as adults with their birthmother.

Flirting with Disaster 1996 - Comedy about a male adoptee (Ben Stiller) in search of his birth family, accompanied by his wife and social worker, with scenes involving his adoptive family.

Secrets and Lies 1996 - tells the story of a black female adoptee in reunion with her White birth mother and half sister.

Immediate Family 1989 - is the story of an infertile couple involved in the process of a private open adoption.

The Ten Commandments 1956 - Unlike in the Bible, this Hollywood version has Moses learning as an adult that he was adopted.

You might also want to consider - Twins, Snow Dogs, Babe and The Bear

Other movies can be found through:

www.blockbuster.com , www.colorq.org/ChildrenOfMySoul and http://www.adoptioncrossroads/AdoptionMovies.html