CASE:eNewsletter

IN C.A.S.E.
The Center for Adoption Support & Education
July/August E-Newsletter

C.A.S.E. 2.0
An Interview with Sean Delehant, LCPC by Ellen Singer, LCSW-C

The incredible advances in technology have resulted in many new avenues for learning. In the last few years, C.A.S.E. has been proud to be able to incorporate this amazing progress into our Education and Training program. We have created new opportunities to educate and reach more of the adoption community, beginning with the development of our webinar series. As we continue to explore other new avenues to help us increase the accessibility of our programs and services, I sat down with Sean Delehant, C.A.S.E. therapist and unofficial “Director of Technology,” who has been instrumental in helping C.A.S.E. move forward in this exciting direction.

Ellen: For people who may not be as informed about the changing face of learning and technology, can you explain what this is about?

Sean: The idea/purpose of what we call “C.A.S.E. 2.0” is to deliver adoption support services to anyone, anywhere in the world (who has the proper technology), regardless of distance, via the use of the Internet and phone technologies. In addition to our webinars, we are in the process of making those same webinars available as podcasts so that our audience can access these programs at their convenience. Through the use of Skype, we have already begun to provide distance training and education. We are exploring how our publications can be made available through e-books to be downloaded directly to Kindles or cell phones. As for clinical services, we already conduct phone consultations with people across the country, and are looking into the possibility of on-line clinical services.

Ellen: How has this impacted the adoption community?

Sean: We are now far more active in educating and training people from different parts of the globe. Since we began producing webinars, we have had regular contact and business with families and organizations from Hong Kong, Canada, Sweden, Puerto Rico, Australia, Tasmania, England and Scotland. It’s so gratifying to see that we have people from faraway places joining us for these presentations. Their feedback has encouraged us to do more. These participants have told us that there are very few and sometimes absolutely no adoption support services available in their countries. Even closer to home, in the United States, many adoptive families live in communities with little access to post-adopt services.

Ellen: What has the response been by adoptive families and professionals who are part of C.A.S.E.’s local adoption community?

Sean: In February of this year, we had a webinar with 150 registered attendees. I was surprised not by the number of our out-of-country participants, but by those families who were calling in from our own neighborhood! Apparently even our local adoptive and birth parents, adoptees, and professionals are participating in the webinars as a result of the convenience. Users like to participate from home, where they can be close to their families, without needing to travel or arrange for child care. However, we remain committed to offering educational programs at our offices in Maryland and Virginia, and other local venues, as well. Parents still enjoy the face to face interaction with adoption experts, panelists, and fellow parents; and some of our programs involve bringing groups of children together, like our annual K.A.N. Conference and our W.I.S.E.Up! workshops.

Ellen: Are there other uses of technology that have changed the way we provide service?

Sean: It’s not just us reaching out to others. Sometimes people reach out to us. I was recently conducting a therapy session with a 16 year old boy. He looked sad as he described his experience of feeling odd because his friends don’t understand what it was like to have been born in another country-- living in an orphanage with 25 other kids, all sleeping together in a small room. As a young pre-adolescent, he came to the U.S. where everything was so different. “You are not alone,” I said. Pointing to an LCD screen, I said, “Tell me what you think about this.”

I played a video of a young man who resembled my client. Speaking in English, the young man introduced the song he was about to sing. However, he sang the song in the language of my client’s birth country. My client’s mood turned brighter. “I know this song! It’s based on a poem…I remember it from when I was little, but the singer changed some of the words.” Translating the lyrics as best he could, he said, “He’s saying that he moved from his village to come to the U.S. when he was young… and got adopted by a family here.” My client’s voice grew quieter and softer. “He misses his birth country and the people he knew...” My client glanced at the bottom of the screen and asked what the number 105,354 meant. I told him, “That’s the number of people who have watched this video.” He smiled and said, “That’s a lot of people. Maybe I can make a video about my story.”

Ellen: Are there any challenges to providing “distance services”?

Sean: So many people call and e-mail us for help because they don’t have access to adoption-competent services in their communities. We actually have people driving to C.A.S.E. from Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Southern Virginia. With our new equipment, distance is no longer an issue. Last February, my colleague and I came to work at 4:00 a.m. to conduct a webinar for people in Oceania (Hong Kong, Australia, New Zealand). As it was pitch dark out when I arrived at the office, I wondered if I should I eat another dinner or was it time for breakfast? The participants displayed a level of interest and enthusiasm that was energizing. After it was over, we enjoyed pancakes at IHOP.

Ellen: We are also providing distance learning specifically for professionals?

Sean: Yes. In addition to having C.A.S.E. services accessible nationwide, we have developed a training program for professionals to train other professionals in adoption-competent therapy (TAC program) to increase the accessibility of adoption-competent services nationwide. C.A.S.E. CEO, Debbie Riley, will continue to provide training and supervision to professionals all over the country using distance learning opportunities such as Internet video links. The TAC training program includes an interactive classroom experience connected to CASE’s website.

Our in-person trainings and distance capabilities have been enhanced by the new equipment we received this year. We now have a Smart Board (interactive touch screen like the weather men use) and other equipment thanks to the generous donation by Mike Dugan, C.A.S.E. founder and Board member. In addition, C.A.S.E. is deeply grateful for the generous technology grant we received from the Debra Stigerwaldt Waller Foundation for Adoption, Ltd. This funding has enabled us to do so much including discounting the fee for three of the webinars that we conducted this past year (Building Self-Esteem and Racial Identity in Transracially Adopted Youth; Taking the Fear Out of Open Adoption: What it is and What it isn’t; The Real Strengths and Challenges of LGBT Families) as well as being able to convert those and other webinars into podcasts that will soon be available for purchase on our website.

Ellen: When do you think C.A.S.E. will be able to begin providing distance therapy, (aka online therapy) to clients in other states or other countries?

Sean: We are investigating the possibility of C.A.S.E. offering online therapy. Currently, the laws are not universal from state to state, so we are waiting for clearer guidelines. In the meantime, we have been active in providing consultations to families using telephone and video conference capabilities.

PLEASE VISIT OUR COMMUNITY EDUCATION 2011 FALL CALENDAR

C.A.S.E. announces Fall Schedule for webinars and workshops! Visit www.adoptionsupport.org for more information.

DEAR ELLEN: PARENTING YOUNG ADULTS
By Ellen Singer, LCSW-C

My son has graduated from high school and is going off to college at the end of August. I am already feeling so sad. We have a good relationship, not without our share of arguments, but lately, when we disagree, he reminds me that very soon, he will be doing what he wants, making his own decisions, regardless of my approval or permission. I know I’m not alone in my struggle with this transition, but it’s harder than I imagined it would be.

Letting go and supporting young adults in their independence can feel excruciatingly painful for any parent. Is it harder for adoptive parents? For many adoptive parents who struggled long and hard to enter parenthood, losing their “parenting role” – even possibly facing the “empty nest”--can trigger the painful feelings of loss experienced before adopting. In addition, many adopted teens struggle with their own challenges around leaving home. This transition can trigger feelings of rejection and abandonment similar to feelings related to birth parents. Parents who sense their teen’s own insecurities and fears, and general ambivalence about leaving home may have trouble resisting the pull toward overprotection and over involvement.

We’ve all been told that we have to allow children to “experience failure” to learn from their mistakes, and to develop confidence in their decision-making. But if a child has experienced compromised beginnings – i.e. orphanage or foster care, abuse or neglect, the trauma of broken attachments, a parent may be particularly reluctant to step back and watch their son/daughter experience challenges and risk getting hurt as they move into adulthood. Parents who have adopted transracially likely want to protect their young adults from racism as they enter the larger world.

It is obvious then that parents must address and overcome their fears in order to adjust their parenting role to one of being an “adviser” or “consultant.” Parents can and should continue to provide guidance and assistance to their young adults, but they must make important subtle shifts in their attitudes and delivery. For example, a parent expressing concern about alcohol use might say, “I know you are away at school (living on your own) and are enjoying your new freedom. I understand that – I remember that feeling. But I hope you will use good judgment and remember both the serious legal consequences if you get caught drinking, as well as the impact on your health and grades (employment). With freedom comes responsibility. I know you can handle it.”

It is critically important that parents respect their young adult’s need for autonomy. For example, if a young adult is moving out, mutual expectations for staying in touch should be clarified. In the olden days, before cell phones and computers, parents made do with weekly phone calls or even monthly letters from their grown children. Today, some parents may communicate with their young adults every day - calling, texting, e-mailing or skyping. If you do stay in such close contact, however, make sure you wear your advisor hat and steer clear of being an interrogator. Accept and respect that your young adult may have a need for distance and privacy. You can let your child know that you are there to offer advice if solicited, and emotional support and nurturance no matter what.

If you want to initiate giving an unsolicited opinion or advice, ask for permission. Dan, a father who had misgivings about his son’s girlfriend said, “I love you. I don’t mean to interfere; it’s just that I am concerned about you. Can I share some of my feelings with you about Maria?” When his son agreed, Dan said, “I’m sure Maria has many good qualities. But I notice that you seem quite upset because she often breaks plans with you that you were counting on… I just think that in relationships, people ought to be able to count on each other…Thanks for letting me speak.”

Though the transition may be difficult, you will survive the journey and take pleasure in your child’s successful transformation into adulthood. Try to remember that as young adults feel increasingly self-confident in their independence, their relationships with their parents will likely be redefined in a way that is comfortable for everybody. You can look forward to decades of a fulfilling adult relationship with your child.

UPDATE on LEAP: Another Successful Year
By Caity Eckert and Clare Farrell, LEAP Program Coordinators and AmeriCorps Staff

Intimidation…anxiety... the crushing pressure to conform and impress the other 20 bodies around you. Twenty-one pairs of eyes nervously darted around the C.A.S.E. conference room, waiting for the program coordinators to announce the day’s agenda. “Who can tell the group what you all have in common?” asked one of the program coordinators. One small hand waved and a quiet voice responded, “I think we’re all adopted, right?”

C.A.S.E.’s Leadership, Empowerment and Action Program (LEAP), a comprehensive youth development program for adopted middle schoolers), began its second year on November 6, 2010. Funded by the Jim and Carol Trawick Foundation, LEAP is a collaboration project between CASE and its partner agencies that include Interages, Through the Kitchen Door, VisArts at Rockville, The Montgomery County Recreation Department, ArtStream, The Liz Lerman Dance Exchange, Project Change, Mental Health Association and more. This program brought 23 middle-school aged adoptees together at various locations throughout Montgomery County, every Saturday for seven months.

LEAP’s goals include enhancing life skills, building relationships, and empowering youth to recognize their full potential. Through activities such as cooking, photography, dance, movement, and volunteerism, participants experienced an increase in their self-esteem and leadership skills, gained long-lasting friendships, and learned that there are others who share the same unique joys and challenges that they have faced in life.

As the year progressed, it was heartwarming to watch the group become a cohesive whole. During a field trip to Camp Letts, participants cheered their peers on and gave words of encouragement as they climbed a 25-foot platform and zip-lined safely to the ground. The group members shared their personal adoption stories with each other, and three participants bonded over having been adopted from the same country. One participant said, “Before LEAP, I did not know anyone who was adopted except for my brother. Now I realize there are many other adopted people out there.” Each Saturday, it became increasingly difficult for the youth to say goodbye to each other, knowing that they would have to wait another week until they could be together again.

We were honored to have Anne Cantrel, Executive Director of The Jim and Carol Trawick Foundation attend the LEAP graduation ceremony that was held on June 18, 2011. The formerly timid and anxious LEAP participants stood shoulder-to-shoulder, gazing confidently at the audience of over 80 family members and friends, as their names were called to receive their diplomas. When the new LEAP graduates posed together for their final picture, it was clearly evident that this wonderful group will never forget their LEAP year!

Registration is now open for LEAP, class of 2012! Eligibility requirements: middle school youth in Montgomery County who are adopted, or in foster care with an adoption plan. The program is FREE OF CHARGE. Meals and transportation are provided. To register or for further information, please contact Clare Farrell at Farrell@adoptionsupport.org or 301-476-8525.

C.A.S.E. INVITES YOU TO PLAY GOLF WITH US!

SAVE THE DATE

10th Annual Golf Benefit Tournament
Friday, September 9, 2011

C.A.S.E. and the Board of Directors are thrilled to celebrate our 10th Tournament! We are introducing a 9-hole tournament for women in addition to our usual 18-hole competition! Women golfers will also have the opportunity to participate in a Refresher Skills Clinic or a Beginner Golfer Clinic facilitated by LPGA Teaching Professional, Marian Geist. The event will be held at Whiskey Creek Golf Club in Ijamsville, MD. Players will enjoy hole contests, awards and prizes.

Registration materials will be available early August. Please contact us at 301-476-8525 or caseadopt@adoptionsupport.org for registration materials or more information.

C.A.S.E. TRAVELS

C.A.S.E. staff has been busy this summer training locally and nationally.

Debbie Riley: “Linking Research with Practice: Mental Health Issues in Foster Care and Adoption” presented with Wendy Sharp, LCSW-C and Erin Berman, Ph.D. from the National Institute for Mental Health, Rockville, MD; ASPIRA.net, Fresno and Bakersfield, CA; Catawba County Department of Social Services, North Carolina

Madeleine Krebs: University of Maryland Shady Grove Campus, Rockville, MD

Lisa Dominguez: Baltimore County Public Schools, MD

Ellen Singer: A New Beginning: Alcohol and Drug Rehabilitation Center, Chantilly, VA

Sean Delehant: Ukrainian professionals, “Hague Convention on Inter-Country Adoptions”, U.S. State Department, World Learning Visitor Exchange Program