CASE:eNewsletter

E-Newsletter - Jan 2008

In this issue

Winter is the perfect season to snuggle up and read!

Jockey International CEO Funds Scholarship for DC/Baltimore Area Families to Receive Post-Adoption & Family Support Services from C.A.S.E.

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

The Whole Me

Telling the Truth to Your Child About Adoption

They Cage the Animals at Night

Healing Parents: Helping Wounded Children Learn to Trust and Love

Beneath the Mask

I Am Adopted

The Open Adoption Experience: A Complete Guide for Adoptive and Birth Families

Winter is the perfect season to snuggle up and read!

Happy New Year! We hope you and your loved ones enjoyed a safe, warm and exciting holiday season. And that the new year brings you not only prosperity, but a little time to relax as well. Curling up with a book is a great way to unwind and to enjoy the winter months. With that in mind, our dedicated staff has compiled a list of their favorite adoption books to share the list with you. We hope you enjoy it.

And, if you should know a child, teen, parent, grandparent, teacher, professional, agency or librarian who would benefit from the gift of a great book, please consider one of these or one from C.A.S.E.'s adoption-sensitive titles. Proceeds support our mission to provide more services to more families!

Sincerely,

Debbie Riley, MS
Executive Director

P.S. Look for our new, improved online bookstore later this month!
Until then, please call to register for workshops or purchase books.
Or e-mail caseadopt@adoptionsupport.org

Jockey International CEO Funds Scholarship for DC/Baltimore Area Families to Receive Post-Adoption & Family Support Services from C.A.S.E.

The Center for Adoption Support and Education is pleased to announce that Debra S. Waller, Chairman of the Board and CEO of Jockey International, Inc. has funded the creation of the Debra Steigerwaldt Waller Scholarship Fund and is urging other business and community leaders to follow her lead.

The scholarship will enable C.A.S.E. to deliver reduced-cost post-adoption and family support services, including individual, family and group counseling and mental health services, to all adoptive families in need, regardless of their ability to pay.

Adoptive parents, particularly those with children who have known special needs, often need extra help and support. Competent post-adoption services provide families the critical information, understanding and support they need to strengthen bonds and ensure permanency. 10%-15% of adoptions ultimately fail or dissolve, resulting in thousands of children each year being returned to the foster care system.

"Due to the lack of funding and general awareness, the provision of adoption-competent services remains a huge, unmet need," said Waller. "I am honored to help C.A.S.E. deliver vital services to families in need and hope that other corporate and community leaders will follow suit.”

“We are deeply grateful to Debra Waller for her generosity and commitment to ensuring that all adoptive families have access to the comprehensive array of services we have built at C.A.S.E.,” said Executive Director Debbie Riley. “Not a day goes by that we are not challenged to meet the ever growing needs of our adoption community. Until federal and local governments join together to provide funding for post-adoption services, these families depend on individuals like Debra Waller to step forward and ensure resources are available.”

Families in need of no-cost post-adoption services are encouraged to call Valerie Kunsman for more information on how to qualify.

Individuals and organizations interested in contributing to the Debra Steigerwaldt Waller Scholarship Fund may call David Bender or email him at bender@adoptionsupport.org .

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew
Selected by Sean Delehant and Mari Itzkowitz

My favorite book is Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew, by Sherrie Eldridge. Eldridge is an adoptee who acknowledges that she had a “ late-blooming gratitude to my parents, who weathered the growing-up years with me.” She has written an emotional and thoughtful book about important topics she would like adoptive parents to know about how their children think and feel about their adoption. Loss, fear, acting out and identity are subjects she describes from her own personal odyssey growing up in an adoptive home. I was impressed by Eldridge's ability to reveal inner truths that are raw, sometimes disturbing, yet ultimately validating. - Sean

One of my favorite books is Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wished their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Aldridge. As a parent of an adopted teen and an adoption specialist I appreciate the complexities of adolescence as a key developmental stage and the “extra layer” that adoption presents. Finally a book that speaks the silent thoughts of teens. We all know that adolescence is a time when kids go “underground” and choose not to dialogue with their parents about their deepest thoughts. Ms Aldridge brings the teens perceptions of loss and grief to life. All parents want more than anything to protect our children from pain, to do what ever we can to help protect them. As adoptive parents we must come to terms that loss is inherent in adoption and that as our children mature their understanding with and connection to loss deepens. This book provides adoptive parents with powerful insights into the complexities of loss again grief and strategies to support affirmation of their teen's feelings and ways to promote healthy grieving. I highly recommend this book to all adoptive parents-dads too!!! Advice:Don't wait to read until you are in the throws of adolescence—Be proactive!!! - Mari

The Whole Me
Selected by Mari Itzkowitz

One of my favorite books is "The Whole ME" written by Ellen Baron and illustrated by Marsha Goldfine. It is the story of a child who starts his life with his birth parents, goes into foster care and then is adopted and focuses on how children can have "confusing feelings" at the same time. For example, feeling happy about getting adopted while, at the same time, feeling sadness and loss for their "first" or "second families."

The book explains, " You are part of your past and part of what's now, and your future is yours to make good. . .and How!!" In other words, all of your feelings (not just some of them) make up the "Whole Me."

Written in the voice of a child, and on a child's level, the book is straightforward and moving. Perhaps my favorite part is at the end when the reader is told, "write your own thoughts, 'cause your very own story, can never be bought." In this sweet way, Ellen Baron encourage children to tell their own stories because not one else can write it for you, you need to tell it for yourself.

Telling the Truth to Your Child About Adoption
Selected by Dianne Banks

My favorite book is Telling the Truth to Your Child About Adoption " by Betsy E. Keefer and Jayne Schooler. I have been practicing in the Adoption field for more than 32 years and have always advocated for telling the truth, no matter how difficult it might be, in my workshops with pre-and post-adoptive parents. I believe this because, as I tell the parents, the truth always comes out (good and bad) and wouldn't you rather it come from you -- like all the other difficult discussions you will have, such as those about drugs and sex?

Telling the Truth supports this notion and also gives good insights, reasoning and suggestions about the ages at which different things are appropriate.

They Cage the Animals at Night
Selected by Valerie Kunsman

This true story by Jennings Michael Burch is one of the first books I read as a professional entering the adoption field thirteen years ago. As the author prepares for his first night in an "orphanage," he is asked to choose one of the stuffed animals that are kept in a locked closet. The next morning, when Jennings awakens, his animal is gone. "They cage the animals at night! It's the rules." For whatever reason, orderliness or organization, the stuffed animals were taken from the children once they fell asleep and returned to the closet. It is one of many seemingly small, but significant losses Jennings will suffer on his journey through childhood.

Using the book title as a metaphor for the children who were left behind in our foster care system, Jennings concludes his story with these words: I [became] a police officer in the late sixties when I adopted my daughter, Carolyn. That's one less animal they'll have to cage at night."

This book moved me and offered glimpses into how children learn to survive abandonment and create lifelines - people, things and events that strengthen a child's resilience and eventually lead them to triumph. Note: In the early years of C.A.S.E., we were awarded a federal demonstration grant - LIFELINES, a three year project that helped children in child welfare identify and build upon their lifelines, hopefully to lead them to their own triumphs.

Healing Parents: Helping Wounded Children Learn to Trust and Love
Selected by Madeleine Krebs

Written by Michael Orlans and Terry Levy, this book for parents is full of parenting strategies, compassion and thoughtful education.

It teaches us about attachment and how to strengthen those all important parent-child connections. Attachment work can be difficult for everyone. This is THE book to learn how to strengthen attachments and prosper.

Beneath the Mask
Selected by Vanessa Marshall

As a therapist, I have many books that I like; however, when it comes to selecting a book that helps clinicians and parents, Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens, By David Meeks and Debbie Riley, is my favorite book.

Beneath the Mask helps clinicians to see situations from the adopted teen's perspective and translate back to the teen and the parent. Parent can use it to learn how to become "unstuck" and better relate to what their forever teens need, but aren't able to articulate. A very helpful book, it is a joy to read.

I Am Adopted
Selected by Karen Shulz

One of my favorites, this is an older book by British author Susan Lapsley. It is a very simple picture book good for kids adopted as infants. It introduces adoption very matter-of-factly.

It is good for children ages three and younger as a way to introduce the topic without too much information.

The Open Adoption Experience: A Complete Guide for Adoptive and Birth Families
Selected by Ellen Singer

I did not have to think twice about my favorite adoption book. No matter what type of adoption a family is contemplating doing or has done, this book by Lois Melina and Sharon Kaplan Roszia is a must-read.

I recommend it for ALL adoptive families is because, regardless of whether or not a family can have a relationship with birth families, it is important for adoptive and birth parents to understand each other's experiences and, more importantly, the experiences of adopted children.

The first few chapters explore how and why open adoption came about e.g. (under The Reasons for Open Adoption you will find sections entitled, "Why Confidential Adoptions Began" and "The Evolution to Open Adoption;" under Moving Toward Open Adoption, you will find "Accepting and Understanding Adoption." The book helps readers to understanding the movement toward open adoption and emphasizes the important message of "openness in adoption" - which includes respect for the emotional connections in adoption that exist, regardless of contact.

While I do not personally feel that one type of adoption is better than another, (all adoptions have unique joys and special challenges), my concern is that, sometimes, prospective and adoptive parents make decisions based on fear and a lack of information/understanding of the psychological/emotional/social aspects of adoption. This book provides that understanding. And, for those who choose open adoption, this book is an invaluable resource in helping navigate these unique, complex relationships.