CASE:eNewsletter

E-Newsletter - February 2007

In this issue

From the Experts on Transracial Adoption: What Adult Adoptees Want Us to Know

From the Experts On Transracial Adoption: What Adult Adoptees Want Us To Know
By Ellen Singer, LCSW-C and Debbie Riley, MS

"My parents were not prepared to raise a child of another race," says Memi Miscally, 34, adopted from Korea at the age of four months. "All they had was unconditional love and guts. It was a start, a good start, but what they didn't know hurt us both." Memi's comment echoes the words of many adults raised by well-meaning parents who innocently believed that being "color blind" equaled being "loving." Fortunately, although there are still many benevolent, but uneducated adoptive parents raising children of another race, many more are committed to learning from the mistakes of the past.

That's an important change, given the fact that transracial adoption continues to grow. Laws in the public sector, including the Multi-Ethnic Placement Act of 1994, have made it easier for white parents to adopt children of color, and international adoptions from Asia, Africa and Latin/South America continue to rise. According to the Evan B. Donaldson Institute, 1992 was the last year national adoption totals were made. At that time, 14% of non-relative adoptions were transracial adoptions. The 2000 U. S. Census report states that out of 345,490,049 families with adopted children, 308,127 (18%) have family members of different races (Child Welfare Information Gateway)

The controversy over transracial adoption continues. "The National Association of Black Social Workers has not changed its 1972 position against transracial adoption. ( www.pactadopt.org ) The research in transracial adoption is generally positive (Child Welfare Information Gateway) with regard to adoptees' adjustment and self-esteem. However, one study reports that issues related to experiences of discrimination and feelings of discomfort about their appearance were significant correlates associated with adjustment difficulties.

Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall write in Supporting Transracial Families: Start From Where They Are" (PACT), "A child growing up with parents of another race must learn the skills that are necessary for survival.In a racist society, both being comfortable and aware in one's own skin is a life and death matter." In our first article on this subject (our March 2006 e-newsletter ), we addressed why race matters and made parenting recommendations for transracial adoptive families. The fact is that what we find at C.A.S.E. is that trying to really understand how racial differences impact children/teens and their families is no easy task. And, trying to put those parenting recommendations into practice can feel frightening and overwhelming. Consequently, the pull to deny the significance can be great. Adult adoptees can help today's parents to overcome their fears and blind spots because the adoptees understand them so well. They can help parents to really step into the shoes of their children as they plan for how to incorporate the parenting tasks essential in transracial adoption into family life.

Matt McGuire, age 27, a biracial adoptee is one of the fortunate adoptees to feel that he was raised by parents who were prepared for transracial adoption and had many of the necessary skills. His family lived in a racially mixed neighborhood and he attended racially and culturally diverse public schools. However, in adolescence, the challenges of being a transracial adoptee hit hard. Issues related to identity - "being black" "being white" were complex. Matt says learning how to just "be" was a difficult concept to grasp. He notes that he faced tremendous struggles on the road toward acceptance and finally attained "a certain sense of peace."

Rebecca, age 37, a biracial adoptee, notes that the most challenging age for her was around 13-14. She says, "I remember issues related to self-image, body image, and issues around dating." She recalls instances when peers "would make racial statements or judgments and qualify that they didn't mean me because I was different." With her family, "racism was the elephant in the room that no one wanted to address."

Memi notes that if her parents had been able to listen and accept her feelings and thoughts without trying to "make me feel better", her sense of anger, shame and confusion might have lessened. To do that, however, they would have to tolerate not being able to "fix" things for her. Instead, they would have had to acknowledge that she was experiencing racism and helped her learn how to cope.

Religion and other cultural differences related to race can also pose challenges in transracial adoption. Parents often have concern when a child decides to explore a religion related to his race/culture, hoping the child will assume the religion practiced in the family.

Despite all of these challenges, Memi, Rebecca and Matt agree that there is much parents can do to support the positive impact that being part of a transracial adoptive family can bring. Matt values his high sense of self-awareness, his ability to be comfortable in various group settings, and his high degree of tolerance of difference and change. Memi appreciates being open-minded and knowing how to listen without judgment. Rebecca thinks her experiences helped her learn how to function and survive as part of a minority group.

Recognizing the importance of open dialogue about the complex challenges inherent in transracial adoption, CASE invites you to attend a workshop, Love Is Not Enough: Parenting in Transracial Adoption on Saturday, April 21 from 1:00 - 4:00 p.m. Memi, Matt and Rebecca, along with twin sisters, Laura Romano and Joanna Leo, adopted from Colombia, will share more of their invaluable insights and suggestions for truly understanding and meeting the unique, individual needs of your children. Teens are welcome to participate with their parents! This workshop will be led by Debbie Riley, M.S., Executive Director of C.A.S.E. and author of Beneath the Mask: Understanding Adopted Teens.

The Panel Participants:

Memi Miscally, 34 was adopted from Korea when she was four months old. She is a member of the International Adoptee Congress. Since 1996, Memi has worked as a social science researcher for public health and social service efforts. She is currently working on her doctorate degree in public health at George Washington University .

Matthew McGuire, 27, biracial was adopted at three months of age. In 2005, Matthew earned his M.S. degree in Philosophy and Social Policy, writing his thesis on the ethics of transracial adoption. He currently works at the Children's Bureau, Administration for Children and Families, as the Special Assistant to the Associate Commissioner.

Rebecca Jones Gaston, 37 is an experienced clinical social worker with special insight into child welfare, adoption and foster care. She provides individual and family therapeutic services to foster and adoptive families with a focus on preparation for adoption and healing for issues of loss, grief, and identity.

Laura Blum Romano and Joanna Blum Leo were adopted at two months of age from an orphanage in Bogota , Colombia . Laura is a social worker in the adoption field in Virginia and Joanna is a college financial-aid counselor in New Jersey .

Bibliography

Inside Transracial Adoption by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall, 2000

Birth Marks by Sandra Patton, 2000

Weaving a Family by Barbara Katz Rothman, 2005

Outsiders Within , edited by Jane Jeong Trenka, Julia Chyere Oparah and Sun Yung Shin

In Their Own Voices by Rita Simon and Rhonda Roorda, 2000.

Black Baby, White Hands by Dr. Jaiya John

www.childwelfare.gov (Child Welfare Information Gateway)

"Adjustments of Transracially and Inracially Adopted Young Adults" by W. Feigelman, Child and Adolescent Social Work Journal, 17 (3), 2000.

Adoption, Race and Identity: From Infancy to Young Adulthood by R.J. Simon and H. Altstein, 2002.

PACT: an adoption alliance www.pactadopt.org

Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute www.adoptioninstitute.org

Is it culture or is it MTV?
By Daphne Saunders-Houston, M.S.W.

A beautiful Afro-Bahamian teenage adoptee visits the CASE- Northern Virginia office with her Caucasian mother. The daughter's dress is somewhat provocative - tight jeans, black belly and back exposed tee shirt with the word "WHATEVER" across her chest. When she speaks she reveals a tongue piercing. Her speech is constricted at times as she explains that 'she (speaking about her mother) doesn't understand me". She was adopted at 3 months of age and has very limited history of her roots or origin. She struggles with the need for a picture, name or hospital records that would link her to a past she doesn't know. Her mother concurs that all the information is in a 5-10 sentence paragraph that reports that her birth mother wanted her to be educated and left her at a police station.

Because little is known of her birth history, little is discussed of the culture or the country of origin. The adoptive mother states that she has plans to visit one day with her daughter, but for her daughter that day is just not soon enough. The daughter states that her style of dress and late night partying, even during school nights, is her way of paying tribute to her Bahamian heritage. She brings in pictures of the Bahamas from tour magazines that show people dancing, wearing bright colors and enjoying carnival season. Her mother is not convinced that this is the reason for her daughter's late nights. She contends that her daughter's behavior (defiant and dangerous at times) is a direct influence of music videos and the clothing industry.

Transracial or transcultural adoption means placing a child who is of one race or ethnic group with adoptive parents of another race or ethnic group. In the United States , these terms usually refer to the placement of children of color or children from another country with Caucasian adoptive parents

According to Dr. Joseph Crumbley, expert on transracial adoption, the success of any transracial/transcultural placement must include these distinguishing characteristics:

1. Identify the special needs of the child in the transracial/transcultural adoption
2. Help develop positive racial and cultural identity
3. Recognize the impact that the transracial/transcultural adoption has on the child and on the family
4. Assess the family's ability to accept the differences

Following Dr. Crumbley's clinical overview, counseling sessions and consultations focus on understanding the daughter's identity challenges, feelings about her heritage, including being proud of Bahamian culture. The mother's new willingness to be open and accepting helped her to locate and connect with other Bahamian families. This led to exposure to new foods, music, and customs. The family heard stories of Bahamians' contributions, such as the fact that Christopher Columbus really landed on Cats Island in the Bahamas , and that the Bahamas were responsible for the liberation of 100 slaves. A variety of therapeutic tools have been used to help this teen work through issues related to loss and grief, and make sense of her adoption story. Today, the mother and daughter have created a new home environment enriched with Bahamian culture. They have plans to visit the Bahamas during carnival season in May.

ASK ELLEN
By Ellen Singer, LCSW-C
The Center for Adoption Support and Education

DEAR ELLEN,

I am the father of two children adopted internationally, a 10 year old boy from Russia , and a 7 year old girl from China . My father adores his grandchildren. However he unquestionably holds some racist attitudes that he is not even aware are racist. Anyone not born in the United States is a "foreigner", and regardless of race or how long they have lived in the United States, he views them as not being as good as "real Americans." My children love him dearly. I don't know what they think when he makes these kinds of remarks. I have tried to tell him to stop, especially in front of the kids, but he doesn't get it and is unlikely to change. I would object to these comments even if my children were by birth. I am thinking of threatening him with not seeing the kids if he does this again, but of course, that's painful to do.

Parents always want to protect their children from hurt and pain. Most of the time they fear outside influences which they cannot control, believing they can do this at least within their families. It is therefore especially painful for parents when they worry that their adopted children will be hurt by family members. It is important to try to talk with the family member about the impact of their words on the children. Oftentimes they are truly not aware of what they are doing.

Because people often respond defensively to criticism, the trick is learning how to communicate your concerns to increase the likelihood of being heard. It is best to let a relative know first how much you appreciate their love for/relationship with the children. Rather than judging the relative for his beliefs, it might help to explain that you are concerned that the children will take the comments the wrong way and think it means something negative about them. Educate your relative about some of the painful comments made by outsiders - either to you or to the children (Make them up if you have to!) "Couldn't you get an American child?" is a frequent one parents of internationally adopted children hear. Tell your relative that you know he would never intentionally do anything to cause the child pain, and enlist his help in protecting your children.

Threatening cut off is very serious and I would recommend seeking professional help to avoid that. The loss of the relationship to the children and your family would likely have its own serious, harmful ramifications. If your efforts at change fail, it would be better to speak directly with the children about your concerns. First ask them if their relative has said or done anything to them that they don't like or that has hurt their feelings. The children may really have not made the connection between the relative's remarks and themselves. The children can be helped to understand that their relative loves them, but that people are not perfect -and that the relative they love is a good man who also has flaws and faults. Help them to see his that one of his serious flaws is his unkindness about other people and his failure to be sensitive to their feelings, despite your efforts to "change" him. You can let the children know that they should feel free to tell him how they feel at any time. The purpose here is not to put the responsibility for this problem on the children's shoulders, as much as to empower them to appropriately share their feelings.