CASE:eNewsletter

E-Newsletter - May 2007

In this issue

The Women Who Raised me - a tribute to Foster Mothers

Recognizing Great Foster Parents is Important

Statistics & Data - How Much Do You Know About How Foster Care Works?

Teens and Kids Band Together

Ask Ellen

The Story Behind the Story

The Women Who Raised me - a Tribute to Foster Mothers
by Victoria Rowell

Victoria Rowell's new book, The Women Who Raised Me recounts her years as a foster child and is full of love and gratitude toward the women who helped her turn challenges into opportunities. (You can meet Victoria Rowell for her book signing, May 22 nd (7:30 p.m.) at Olsson's - 418 7 th Street, N.W. , Washington , D.C. 2004 - call 202-638-7610

"I knew that I was loved," Rowell explained, " Not always in the same way, or to the same degree. Every person was different. Every circumstance was different. There was no formula on how to love a person. I had to figure out how to decipher, 'What color is this love that I'm being given? It may not be like the last one, but it's still love.' I realized I had better recognize where the love was coming from if I was going to get through this."

What comes first, before conscious memory, before recorded images, and before the oral accounts that later helped me understand what happened during my first two and a half years of life, is a melody. It's the sound of a lullaby sung by a woman who loves me infinitely, in a full voice that is untrained but on-key, perhaps with a frill here and there that she would never dare use at choir practice or in church, but allows herself just for me. The melody is accompanied in my primal senses by the sensation of motion, as I am held to her bosom and rocked.

Fittingly, my life begins with a dance-a waltz!

Out of this music and movement, other impressions remain of my first foster mother, Bertha Taylor, who received me from the Holy Innocents Home, the orphanage connected to Mercy Hospital in Portland , Maine . When I was three weeks old, Bertha took me to her home, fifteen miles away in the small town of Gray , Maine , with the absolute conviction that she would raise me to adulthood as her own. I know in my cells that this was her maternal plan, just as I know how generously and tenderly every day she kissed my forehead, the nape of my neck, and all my fingers and toes. I know that with her husband at her side and helping, too, she bathed me and changed my diapers for two and a half years, and that with her two best friends, Laura Sawyer and Retha Dunn, and their husbands, created a foundation of love and community that would live on in my self-esteem even when I couldn't name its origin. I know that Bertha was my mother who bundled me up and took me outside as winter approached to introduce me to my first falling snow, the same mother who encouraged me to take my first steps.

The foregoing is excerpted from The Women Who Raised Me by Victoria Rowell. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced without written permission from HarperCollins Publishers, 10 East 53rd Street , New York , NY 10022

Recognizing Great Foster Parents is Important
By Jelani Freeman

May is a very special month for me personally, not just because of the gorgeous weather and the dawning of summer, but more importantly because it is National Foster Care Month. As a foster care reform advocate and former foster youth, who emancipated out of the foster care system, I realize it is an incredibly crucial month to raise awareness about some of the challenges of the system. However, I think it is equally important that we not forget the other goal of the month which is to show our appreciation and recognize the invaluable contributions of our nation's foster parents.

Recognizing great foster parents is especially important, since most of the time we only see and hear about the few bad ones due to some tragic event. The majority of America 's foster parents enter the system with the best intentions and leave with only the satisfaction of knowing that they helped a young person build a brighter future and in turn helped our nation. Foster parents are similar to our nation's first responders in that they are often the selfless unsung heroes that help save the lives of children.

Out of my six foster care placements, there is no doubt in my mind that I would not have accomplished many of my achievements, particularly my educational achievements, if it had not been for one special foster care family. From the moment I entered the Parker's home, I could tell that they were a special family. The entire Parker family was fun loving, caring and very respectful of my emotional boundaries. However, because I had endured the homes of foster parents who barely spoke to me and excluded me from family gatherings, I was apprehensive of the Parker family.

From the time I entered care in the fourth grade, my school performance began to suffer to the extent that I had to attend summer school in the eighth grade in order to advance to high school. My lack of concern with school began when I became preoccupied with family/home issues and it was perpetuated by frequently transferring schools. However, in the beginning of my ninth grade year, something changed within me and my outlook towards school and I made the honor roll. Since I previously did not have foster parents who showed interest in what I did in school, as long as I did not get suspended, I did not choose to show the Parkers my report card. Upon returning from school one day, Mrs. Parker said that she needed to talk with me. I quickly looked to see if my bags were packed and thought that she was upset and I was in trouble. She let me know that she was upset because she found my report card and was puzzled over why I did not share with her how wonderful I had done. After letting her know that none of my other foster families cared about my grades, she let me know that she did and she was very proud of me. She explained to me how important education was and encouraged me to continue to excel in school. As I think back to that conversation, I am flooded with emotion and can single that day out as the moment I first emotionally connected with Mrs. Parker and when the life long value of education was instilled within me.

Unfortunately, two years later, Mrs. Parker passed away and I moved on to a different foster home that I "aged out" of but I often wonder where I would be without her positive reinforcement. I have gone on to receive an undergraduate degree from the University at Buffalo , a Master's degree from American University and will be entering law school this coming fall. Whenever times have gotten tough throughout these years and I feel that I cannot succeed, I always think back to when I was 14 and I hear Mrs. Parker's voice encouraging me to stick with it and push on. Therefore, in memory of Mrs. Parker, I offer that same advice to all foster parents and prospective foster parents to stick with your kids and push on because you never know what child you will help to reach their full potential.

Statistics & Data - How Much Do You Know About How Foster Care Works?

* There are an estimated 12 million foster care alumni in the United States

* More than a half million American children and youth are currently in foster care (every two minutes, a child enters the system)

* In most cases, children entering foster care can't take their pets with them

* Sleepovers are very rare, since in many states, host families would need to submit to require police background checks

* The average child entering foster care remains for 32 months, many are separated (and have limited contact) from their siblings

* Only half of the children in foster care will return to their parents

* Nearly 20,000 young people "age out" of foster care when they turn 18 (or complete high school)

* Most states don't foster care youth to get a driver's license (making it hard for them to get jobs and participate in after school activities)

In 1988, the National Foster Parent Association persuaded Senator Strom Thurmond to introduce a resolution to proclaim May as National Foster Care Month. President George H.W. Bush issued a proclamation during each year of his presidency.

Although research indicates no difference in the incidence of abuse and neglect across racial groups, children of color comprise a disproportionate percentage of youth in foster care.

State	Total	Avg.	Most are in	Gender	% Race In		State
	In-Care	Age	Age Range	M/F	Foster Care	vs.	Pop

DC	3,092	11.6	6-18 yrs	52%/48%	Black 85%		74%
					White 0%		12%
					Hispanic 2%		10%

MD	11,521	11.9	1-18 yrs	53%/47%	Black 75%		32%
					White 20%		56%
					Hispanic 2%		5%

VA	7,861	11.9	13-18 yrs	53%/47%	Black 43%		25%
					White 46%		64%
					Hispanic 6%		6%

* According to AFCARS data FY 2003 visit

If nothing changes by the Year 2020:

* Nearly 14 million confirmed cases of child abuse and neglect will be reported

* 22,500 children will die of abuse or neglect, most before their fifth birthday

* More than 9,000,000 children will experience the foster care system

* 99,000 former foster youth who "age out" can expect to experience homelessness

Discover how you can change a lifetime for a young person in foster care. Visit fostercaremonth.org

Teens and Kids Band Together

Something wonderful happens when young people reach out to each other.

That's why FosterClub.org is encouraging all young people to distribute and wear blue drummer's tape or painter's tape during the entire month of May.

Tell your friends. Tell your neighbors. Tell your school. Band Together to raise public awareness and improve services.

Adults Can Help, too.

The Blue Ribbon Campaign
This annual promotion is presented by the National Foster Parent Association as a way of calling attention to the year-round needs of youth in foster care. Supporters wear a blue ribbon to signal their dedication to the cause and to honor those already working to make a difference.

Join us at the NFPA 37th Annual Education Conference , May 23-27, 2007 at the Omni Shoreham Hotel in Washington , D.C. ( hosted by the D.C. Metropolitan Foster Parent Association). Visit C.A.S.E. at Booth 17!

ASK ELLEN
By Ellen Singer, LCSW-C
The Center for Adoption Support and Education

Dear Ellen,

I always think about my children's birth mothers on Mother's Day and wonder if my children are thinking about them as well. What can I do to use Mother's Day to open a dialogue around birth parents?

It is not surprising that adoptive mothers think about their children's birth mothers on Mother's Day. The journey toward motherhood through adoption is one that is often preceded by various difficulties, challenges and certainly much emotion. On Mother's Day, many adoptive mothers remember well all that they experienced prior to adoption and feel especially celebratory on that day. Many mothers, especially adoptive ones7 February, 2008irthdays for it has all the joy without being older! However, in the midst of their enjoyment, many adoptive mothers think about their children's birthparents and feel a mixture of feelings, including sadness for their pain and loss, and appreciation for the gift of their children.

On Mother's Day, adoptive children may certainly experience similar "double dip" feelings (two opposing feelings that exist at the same time). Love and appreciation for their wonderful adoptive mother can co-exist with thoughts of birth mothers. Therefore, Mother's Day certainly provides a wonderful opportunity to gently explore a child's thoughts and feelings about their birth mothers. A mother might say something along the lines of, "Today is the day we celebrate me, and I love your cards, gifts, kisses, hugs, breakfast in bed (whatever applies!) and thank you so much. I am so glad to be your mother! And you know what? I always/often think about your birth mother on Mother's Day and thank her in my heart for the precious gift of you (that made me a mother). I wonder if you are thinking about her today as well." A father can say some version of this as well. Another suggestion is to find a way to honor birth mothers on this day, whether it is a special candle on a cake, a special prayer, a card, etc.

Certainly, families in contact with their children's birth mothers likely send letters, cards, gifts, exchange phone calls, etc. on this day. In any event, dialogues around birth parents and celebration of birth parents on this day can only serve to strengthen the relationship between adoptive mothers and their children, making Mother's Day even more special!

Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful adoptive mothers, birth mothers, foster mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers, step-mothers, godmothers, and all women who mother!

The Story Behind the Story
Commentary on THE WHOLE ME by its author, Ellen K. Baron

When I was the Special Needs Adoption Coordinator for Prince George 's County Department of Social Services, I found it very important to incorporate books into the training for potential adoptive parents. I always made a selection available before each session that related to the materials we would be covering that day. I also liked to give a book to children, as a gift on their "Adoption Day," that related to their particular adoption story. I came to realize that I was not able to find any books that dealt with the population of children and families that comprised the majority of our adoptions-older children coming out of the foster care system.

I decided to try and put together a story for children that allowed them to think about their past and present, in order for them to come to some conclusion about who they were and where they have been. So often their workers did not have the time to sit and talk with them about their situations and were not able to follow through on making the children life books. What I was seeing were children whom I thought of as "fragmented"-keeping separate each of their individual living situations along with the motions that accompanied these placements. This did not seem mentally healthy, and I feared that this might keep the children from making a firm commitment to yet another placement that was supposed to be permanent.

In writing THE WHOLE ME, it was my hope that not only would the children be able to identify with the story of several moves and memories of past "parent" figures (birth and/or foster), but that in having the adoptive parents read this book to them, it would open the door for discussion and sharing of information that the children may have felt should not be revealed. Giving children permission to have feelings toward all who have been a part of their past is extremely important to the success of the present placement. Additionally it allows the children the opportunity to pull together the pieces of their history and to recognize that they are made up uniquely of all of these experiences and influences. The child learns that it is not necessary to erase the past in order to form a new meaningful relationship with the adoptive parents. Through the process of sharing this information, the new parents come to have a greater understanding of their child, and the child comes to know their WHOLE ME! This process is a comfortable way to bridge the gap between past and present for both child and parents without the adults feeling intrusive or unknowledgeable as to how to approach the child's past history.

I was fortunate to have a co-worker, Marsha Goldfine, with extraordinary art skills, who agreed to illustrate the story and create a wonderful format and background for my words. Besides its original intent for adoptive and foster children, this book has been a useful tool for social workers, agencies and therapists in the United States , Canada and Europe.