E-Newsletter -
Oct 2007
In this issue
2007 Adoption Ethics and Accountability
Conference:
A Report by Ellen Singer, LCSW-C
The Healing Power of Post-Adoption Support
How CASE has benefited our family
The Need for Post-Adoption Service is Lifelong
How Post-Adoption Services have benefitted our family
Ask Ellen
2007 Adoption Ethics and Accountability Conference:
A Report by Ellen Singer, LCSW-C
The following article is a summary of topics that were discussed
at the Adoption Ethics and Accountability Conference on Oct.
15 - 16, 2007 and does not necessarily represent the policies
or philosophies of CASE.
Debbie Riley and I were honored to participate as panelists at the second
Adoption Ethics and Accountability Conference sponsored by the Evan B.
Donaldson Institute and Ethica, Inc. on October 15 and 16 in Virginia
.
The speakers and attendees included adoption professionals - therapists,
adoption agency social workers, clinicians, authors, researchers, attorneys,
physicians, law professors and child welfare workers - as well as birth
parents, adoptive parents and adult adoptees.
The purpose of the conference was twofold: to explore what progress
has been made in the field of adoption practice and, more importantly,
to identify those changes that still need to be made in order to safeguard
the needs and ensure accountability to all members of the adoption circle:
adopted persons, adoptive families and birth families. No stone was left
unturned.
Through the lens of ethics, morals, rights and responsibilities and
sensitivity towards the emotional/psychological/social needs
of those involved by adoption, numerous issues and questions were
explored. There was controversy and disagreement, as well as
passion, empathy and even humor.
Some of the country's most prominent adoption experts/authors attended
this important event. Dr. David Brodzinsky, Sharon Kaplan Roszia, Dr.
Joyce Pavao, Dr. Ruth McRoy, Dr. Harold Grotevant, Dr. Jerri Ann Jenista,
Dr. Dana Johnson, Dr. Jeanne Howard, Patricia Johnston, and Madelyn Freundlich
were among the panelists who shared their views to initiate discussion
and debate over many issues.
One theme upon which everyone could unanimously agree: this country's
need for knowledgeable, adoption-competent professionals to provide effective
preparation, education, counseling and support to all members of the
adoption circle – from the beginning of the adoption process (e.g., expectant
parents and their families experiencing crisis pregnancies who are considering
placement) to prospective adoptive parents and their extended families,
as well as to children, teens and adults who were adopted (through the
entire life cycle).
Comprehensive, easy-to-access, affordable (or subsidized) adoption-competent
education, counseling and support would not only address each member's
needs, it would enable everyone in the adoption circle to step into one
another's shoes in order to maximize respect, understanding and empathy,
while minimizing the perpetuation of myths, misunderstandings, fears,
conflicts and needless pain.
Here is a small sampling of other issues that were raised:
- Understanding the powerful messages that language conveys,
many people expressed their desire to change and update
adoption-related terminology. For example, many people in
the field think the term “birth
mother” should be changed to “first mother” or “other
mother” because they feel that the term birth parent diminishes
these women's importance to that of only “baby carrier.”
- The importance of support networks for every member
of the adoption community.
- The importance of maintaining connections between birth
and adoptive families and the trend toward openness in both
domestic and international adoptions.
- The need to ensure that all known information about
a child is disclosed to prospective adoptive parents.
- The role of international adoption agencies in policing
and preserving integrity within their field
- The need to ensure that birth parents (or first parents)
have access to their own, competent legal representation
in both private (independent) and agency adoptions.
- Understanding the experience of a crisis pregnancy/birth,
after placement, the question was raised as to what is an
appropriate length of time for birth parents to be able to
reverse their decision to place their child for adoption.
- The need for adoptive parent education around the importance
of respecting and maintaining their child's connection to
his race/ethnicity/country of origin.
- Potential impact of the implementation of the Hague
Convention regulating intercountry adoption
- The need to ensure that appropriate, adoption-competent
counseling (e.g. the types of therapeutic services and educational
programs that CASE provides) is available and required for
both birth and prospective adoptive parents in the practice
of independent/private adoptions.
- The importance of sibling connections.
- Adult
adoptees' right to open records.
Recognizing the very significant similarities to adoption, ethics around
practices involving families formed through third party assisted reproduction
(donor egg/donor sperm/surrogacy) were also discussed at this conference.
Evan B. Donaldson Institute and Ethica, Inc. planned for the conference
to conclude with the preparation of a summary of recommendations for
reform in terms of where the field needs to go. As speaker, Barbara Holton
of AdoptUsKids noted, “In another eight years, it would be great to look
back to the practices common in 2007 and say incredulously, “We did that
then?” CASE will provide a link to that information when it becomes available
or you may go to www.evanbdonaldson.org for
further information. For more information about CASE's adoption-competent
services and programs visit the program calendar page. For information
about our nationally recognized, adoption-competent fact sheets and publications,
please visit the resources page.
Back to top
The
Healing Power of Post-Adoption Support
by Jennifer, Adoptive
Mother of Rachael
We found out about CASE when our daughter Rachael was seven years
old from a friend at our pool who had two adopted daughters. Her daughters
had benefited from CASE and she recommended we give it a try.
Rachael's story is particularly unique and difficult because she was
found in a garbage bag in a dumpster. It was a miracle that she
lived and was found alive. How do you explain to a 7-year-old that her
birth parents threw her away and meant to kill her? CASE was the
answer to our prayers.
Our daughter, who has been in therapy with Debbie Riley for ten years,
has learned so many coping skills that cannot be found anywhere else. We
tried many therapists before finding CASE. In fact, Rachael told us that
whenever we tried a different therapy group - one that did not specialize
in adoption issues - she had to train the therapist.
Whenever we encounter a crisis or difficult emotional situation with
Rachael, we always turn back to CASE for help. Thanks to CASE and
Debbie Riley, our daughter is emotionally healthy and skilled to deal with her own story.
Rachel graduated from high school with an A average and was active in
school plays, served as a news anchor for the local school TV station,
was inducted into the National Quill and Scroll Honor Society, participated
on the dance team and was even MC at the high school dance recital.
Along her journey, one of Rachel's most difficult challenges has been
to learn to trust girls as friends and to deal with the reality that
her birth mother threw her away. Since she was a toddler, Rachel
has consistently chosen boys as her best friends. Years of adoption-sensitive
therapy has enabled Rachael to form successful, deep emotional relationships
with girls, even though it was not a natural thing for her to do.
Now, Rachel is heavily involved in many church, college and career activities,
including participating on the drama team at church, walking dogs
for the animal shelter, and attending college as a full-time business
major.
We have the deepest gratitude for the existence of CASE. Without it,
we would not have the well adjusted daughter that we now have today. We
are eternally grateful to CASE!
How CASE has benefited our family
CASE has provided stability and ongoing encouragement to our family.
The therapists have provided us with a reality check to help us weather
difficult times. CASE has given us a better understanding of our daughters
and their emotions and feelings as well as our feelings and emotions.
CASE is a wonderful resource when we need help or have a question. It
is the closest thing to having a therapist in your pocket when a question
arises! The therapists at CASE listen and can understand much of what
our children are feeling and experiencing and what we as parents are
going through. They know that in adoption the whole family needs support
and understanding, unlike many other places where counseling and therapy
are offered.
The Teen Group has given our daughter a group of kids that can better
relate to her about being adopted. In the group, she has the
opportunity to openly express her frustrations and confusion
and to seek answers to questions that are unique to being adopted.
The Parent Support Group similarly allows us to openly express our frustrations
and concerns and to gain honest feedback from other parents who may have
faced the same type of crises. The group has become a wonderful source
of support!
For anyone who is seeking help with difficult times with their adopted
children, the book, Beneath the Mask, by Debbie Riley, M.S. and John
Meeks, M.D., offers insight into the philosophy and thinking behind not
only the director of CASE, but the entire staff at CASE.
The Need for
Post-Adoption Service is Lifelong
I met Nina White, 31, when our children (biological) were in pre-school
together. Standing in a gymnasium while our children were involved in
a fellow's classmate's birthday party, we began to discuss our work.
I learned that Nina was a high school art teacher. As I talked about
CASE, Nina laughed and shared that she had been adopted.
She listened with amazement as I told her that C.A.S.E. offered ongoing
individual and family counseling for all members of the adoption community,
groups for children and teens, support groups for parents, educational
forums to address specific concerns about raising children in adoptive
families, including an in-service training program about adoption for
educators.
The next thing I knew, this lovely young mother began to cry.
While somewhat surprised by her reaction, I understood. Embarrassed
and apologetic, Nina said, “My parents assumed I didn't think about being
adopted. I grew up with the feeling that I wasn't supposed to talk about
it. How different my life would have been had my parents and I had the
opportunities you are providing for these families.”
The adopted adults I have had the fortune to meet and work with echo
this sentiment repeatedly. Adopted
adults like Nina have helped professionals in all facets of
the adoption community – social workers, child welfare professionals, mental health
therapists, educators, etc. to better understand the needs of adopted
children and teens, adults and their families. Years ago, professionals
in the adoption field told parents to “Take them (their adopted children)
home and love them,” and all would be well. Perhaps the workers counseled
them to tell their children they were adopted and even suggested ways
to answer questions the children might ask. But the basic attitude that
prevailed was that love was enough.
If a child exhibited some emotional or behavioral difficulty, it was
unlikely to be viewed as being associated with adoption, and if it were,
it would likely be viewed as being related to some type of childhood
pathology. Today we know that the impact of adoption is lifelong and
that there are normal, predictable emotional and psychological reactions
to the experience of being part of an adoptive family or having been
part of an adoption experience.
Experience and research have outlined the needs and challenges faced
by all members of the adoption circle. We understand the adoption experience
from a developmental lens. We know that the kinds of issues and the degree
to which adopted children may struggle with the complexities of being
adopted will vary, depending on a host of factors, including individual
personality, temperament, age at adoption, type of adoption, and certainly
experiences the child had prior to adoption. For example, a sensitive
child may feel things more intensely than a child who is more “easy going.” A
child who has been traumatized by abuse and perhaps multiple moves in
foster care may experience more difficulties around trust and attachment
than a child adopted at birth.
Historically, post-adoption services were instituted to reduce the rate
of disruption in adoptions through the public child welfare system. In
December 2000, Casey Family Services held the first National Conference
on Post-Adoption Services and produced the white paper entitled Strengthening
Families and Communities: Promising Practice in Adoption-Competent Mental
Health Services.
The conference's primary focus centered on the effects that post-adoption
services have on families adopting from the child welfare system. Moving
beyond this original scope, the paper (comprising information gained
from parents as well as professionals) “builds a strong case for adoption-competent
mental health services and identifies the gaps that exist in the current
system of mental health services for the vulnerable children adopted
through public and non-profit child welfare systems, as well as those
adopted privately (private adoption agencies and independent adoptions)
in this country and from other countries.”
The description of post-adoption service delivery programs includes
community based counseling/therapy services, support groups, in-home
therapeutic interventions, education, advocacy, respite care, financial
assistance and residential treatment, etc. Interestingly, adoptive parents
identified the availability of support groups as especially beneficial.
Casey's paper notes, “Obtaining quality mental health services for any
child in this country is challenging. The Federation of Families for
Children's Mental Health, the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill
(NAMI) and other national and local advocacy groups have been fighting
for decades to improve access, quality and availability of child and
family mental health services, regardless of the families' circumstances.
The availability of clinicians skilled in the provision of culturally
sensitive and adoption-competent mental health services is even more
limited.”
Parents interviewed for this paper defined adoption-competent mental
health professionals as those who:
- Know that adoption is one way to form a family and that
adoption is a life-long process, with remarkably universal
experiences as well as unique individual feelings and perceptions
- Recognize that parenting relationships and family connections
are the single most therapeutic element in the life of a child
over time
- Help families promote secure attachments and healthy relationships
no matter what the developmental challenges
- View adoption from a culturally competent family perspective
and understanding the power of the triad of family relationships
- “Balance the power” with adoptive families, collaborating
with them as team players and colleagues toward the mutual
goal of helping a child to heal
- Avoid blaming adoptive parents for their children's behaviors
and re-frame everyone's goal to being “part of the solution”
- Help adoptive parents honor their child's past and talk
with their child about separation, loss and feelings about
birth parents
- Support adoptive parents in assuming parental entitlement
and authority, fully empowering them as decision-makers and
experts when it comes to their child and family
- Recognize and respect the characteristics and skills that
make adoptive families successful and assist families in developing
and practicing those skills
- Work to provide in-home and outreach services to families
that meet them “where they are”
- Recognize that temporary out-of-home treatment may be essential
(not a “failure” in the adoption) and work to keep the child
and family connected and reunified as soon as possible.
In July 2007, The North American Council on Adoption (NACAC) published
its policy paper: Post-Adoption Services: Meeting the Mental Health
Needs of Children Adopted from Foster Care , which underscores the
responsibility of public child welfare agencies around the nation to
work toward permanency on behalf of children in foster care as well as
to ensure the success of adoptive placements via quality, adoption-competent
mental health services for the families. For more information, go to www.nacac.org .
CASE is proud to be among this nation's nationally recognized adoption-competent
non-profit organizations. We provide our adoption-competent training
locally and nationally. For more information about our programs, please
visit the training section of this website.
Adoptive parents across the United States have clearly identified their
need to network with and receive support from other adoptive families
in their community. On the local level, CASE offers a variety of monthly
parent support groups. Open to everyone and FREE for families who have
adopted through Montgomery County DSS (who has generously provided funds
for this group) we encourage parents to participate. Based on our recent
survey of parents, CASE is actively working to offer group meetings to
a library or community center facility. For more information, and to
pre-register, visit the program calendar page.
How Post-Adoption Services have benefited our family
By two adoptive parents in Maryland
CASE has provided stability and ongoing encouragement to our family.
The therapists have provided us with a reality check to help us weather
difficult times. CASE has given us a better understanding of our daughters
and their emotions and feelings as well as our feelings and emotions.
CASE is a wonderful resource when we need help or have a question. It
is the closest thing to having a therapist in your pocket when a question
arises! The therapists at CASE listen and can understand much of what
our children are feeling and experiencing and what we as parents are
going through. They know that in adoption, the whole family needs support
and understanding, unlike many other places where counseling and therapy
are offered.
The teen group has given our daughter a group of kids that can better
relate to her about being adopted. In the group, she has the
opportunity to openly express her frustrations and confusion, and to
seek answers to questions that are unique to being adopted.
Similarly, the parent support group similarly allows us to openly express
our frustrations and concerns and to gain honest feedback from other
parents who may have faced the same type of crises. The group has become
a wonderful source of support!
For anyone who is seeking help with difficult times with their
adopted children, the book, Beneath the Mask , by Debbie Riley, M.S. and
John Meeks, M.D., offers insight into the philosophy and thinking behind
not only the director of CASE, but the entire staff at CASE.
ASK
ELLEN
By
Ellen Singer, LCSW-C
The Center for Adoption Support and Education
Dear Ellen,
My daughter, who is 15, and I have always openly discussed her adoption
story. Last week, she overheard me telling her father that I
preferred her old hairstyle to her new one. To protect her feelings
and her right to choose, I told her what I thought was an appropriate “white lie” – that
I thought her new style was nice. To our surprise and disbelief, she
burst into the room, exclaiming, “If you lied to me about my hair, what
else have you lied to me about? What secrets are you keeping
about my birth mother?
During the early grade-school years, children are curious about
their adoption story and they readily accept most of the answers they
are given. By the time they reach adolescence, their questions grow
deeper as they seek to understand their past. They may wonder, “Why was
I given away?” “Was there something wrong with me?” or “Do my birth parents
regret losing me?”
Parents are often caught off-guard when hard questions begin to surface.
They may be surprised by the complexity of the questions and
not know how to respond. If their teen gives them the silent treatment,
they might believe she doesn't want to talk and prefers to confide in
peers and other trusted adults, instead.
Oftentimes, teens appear emotionally distant, even when they desperately
want to talk to their parents. That's why parents must be proactive in
initiating conversation. Here's how:
- Show your teen you're willing to talk about adoption. Don't
wait for your son or daughter to approach you. If you face
rejection, don't give up. Adoption issues can be emotional
and discussing them requires patience.
- Respect your child's feelings. Sometimes
teens want to discuss things that make you feel uncomfortable.
For example, they may express a keen interest in, or
desire to meet, their birthparents. Before showing disapproval, try
to understand why you feel hurt and discomfort. Imagine
what it's like to be adopted, and let your child know you support
her.
- Share all available information. Many
parents want to shield their children from painful aspects
of their past. But teens should know as much as possible
about their birth families. You can help your teen make sense of
difficult information and offer support.
- Help your teen make connections to his past. Many
adoptees find comfort in learning about places associated
with their birth family. Some teens wish to revisit
their birthplace or birth country, while others want to contact
their birth family directly. If this is the case, they
may ask you to help conduct a search.
