LOSS
Ruminates about lost child
Initial loss merges with other life events
Leads to social isolation
Changes in body and self image
Relationship losses

REJECTION
Rejects self as irresponsible and unworthy because she permitted the adoption
Turns these feelings against self as deserving of rejection
Comes to expect and cause rejection

GUILT / SHAME
Party to guilty secret
Shame and guilt for placing child
Feeling of being judged by others
Double bind: Not okay to keep child—not okay to place him

GRIEF
Grief acceptable for only a short period
Grief may be delayed 10 or 15 years
Lacks rituals for mourning
Sense of shame blocks grief work

IDENTITY
Child as part of identity goes on without knowledge
Diminished sense of self and self-worth
May interfere with future parental desires

INTIMACY & RELATIONSHIPS
Difficulty resolving issues with other birth parent may interfere with future relationships
Intimacy may equate with loss

CONTROL / GAINS
Relinquishment seen as an out-of-control, disjunctive event
Interrupts drive for self-actualization