ADOPTEE
|
CHILD WHO IS NOT ADOPTED
|
| 0-4 |
|
| Generally does not realize differences. If notices them,
likes to point them out. |
Generally does not realize differences. If notices them,
likes to point them out. |
| Feels OK about adoption and thinks story is special. |
Feels OK about adoption and thinks story is special. |
ADOPTEE
|
CHILD WHO IS NOT ADOPTED
|
| 5-6 |
|
| Child begins to ask many questions about babies, birth,
differences. |
Child begins to ask many questions about babies, birth,
differences. |
| Likes adoption story, but does not understand concepts
of adoption. Feels some differences, especially if in multicultural
family. |
Does not understand adoption, but wonders about it when
it comes up - and often asks simple questions to learn
more. |
| Tells most people he/she is adopted. |
Accepts adoption as a way to form a family. |
ADOPTEE
|
CHILD WHO IS NOT ADOPTED
|
| 7-11 |
|
| Child understands basic concepts of adoption |
Does not understand adoption concepts, but begins to sense
that it results when birth parents "give away" child |
| Begins grieving process |
|
| May stop asking questions/denial |
Reaction to adopted peers based on information from adults
(if any) or media |
| Realizes she/he lost something in order to be Adopted |
|
| "Not everyone is adopted like me" |
"Not everyone is adopted like he is" |
| "Why was I adopted?" |
"Why was she adopted?" |
| "Why didn't they keep me?" |
"Could my parents give me away?" |
| "Did I do something wrong?" |
"I'm glad I am not adopted." |
| Increasing interest in birth parents |
"Adoption is OK because I like you" or "Adoption is NOT
OK because I don't like you" |
| Fantasies about living with different parents |
Fantasies about living with different parents |
ADOPTEE
|
CHILD WHO IS NOT ADOPTED
|
| 12-14 |
|
| Anger stage of grieving and dev'l stage |
Anger stage of dev'l stage |
| May resist authority, try on new identities |
May resist authority, try on new identities |
| Begins separating from 2 sets of parents |
Begins separating from 1 set of parents |
| May be angry over loss of control over adoption decisions,
wants more control in life |
Wants more control in life |
| Growing sense of self: identity issues |
Growing sense of self: identity issues |
| More complex reasoning about adoption story and needs
to look at grays rather than black & white |
Sees many differences about adoptive families Oversimplifies
how adoption occurs and does not understand emotional issues |
| Rejects kids who are different |
Rejects kids who are different |
| Generally does not talk about being an adoptee |
May be negative about what he/she perceives adoption reflects
about adoptees |
| What does sex have to do with adoption? |
What does sex have to do with adoption? |
ADOPTEE
|
CHILD WHO IS NOT ADOPTED
|
| 15-17 |
|
| Separates from 2 sets of parents |
Separates from 1 set of parents |
| Has second layer of concerns about leaving home |
May face concerns about leaving home, but usually feels
secure about its permanency |
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and Education, 4000 Blackburn Lane, Suite 260, Burtonsville,
MD 20866 Reprint with permission only. caseadopt@adoptionsupport.com |
